Perpetual self-discovery
When I consciously started on my journey of uncovering the true self that lies within, I feel that I held this perception that when I was “healed” THEN I could love myself. I held the idea that the Grace over there was in some way better than this one here. The truth of it though, is that this journey of discovery is perpetual. There is no “healed” version of you. There is only this present moment and the way that we are able to show up now. It can become disheartening, I feel, as you progress further in and begin to see the mountain of “work” needing to be done before you can be your “true self”. There is a lot of unhelpful rhetoric floating around in the self-development world. I genuinely believe that the intention isn’t to harm; the outcome however, is harmful.
I get it, social media provides a platform for conveying only a very brief amount of information. People’s dwindling concentration means that thorough, meaningful and deep consideration of topics such as “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself” are not readily available. Rather we see snippets which form our understanding in a way that often lacks the core meaning initially intended. This, in turn, can lead to distorted views that increase self blame, guilt and shame. To use the aforementioned example, we may find ourselves single, perhaps not by choice, and so we direct those feelings of loss inwardly and transform them into blame as we look for a way to conceptualise what has happened; “obviously we don’t love ourselves so how could anyone else love us”.
If self-development and discovery isn’t underpinned with the deep, body level knowledge that we are worthy as we are, that we are loveable as we are, that we have to much to gift the world then, from personal experience, it can very easily pile on new levels of self-hate and self-blame for our situations, intense self-depreciation. I personally delved deeply into a hardcore stance on personal responsibility, which I do believe has merit and is an incredibly powerful way to show up in the world. However when it’s done from a place of self-judgement rather than self-curiosity and non-judgement it has the potential to diminish your view of yourself.
Check in with your underlying mindset around how you approach self-development. Is it done because you love the process of getting to you yourself in a new way? Is it done because you hate this version of you? Are you curious about yourself? Do you judge every aspect of you?
Self-discovery and development is, at its core, a change process. You simply can not berate or hate someone or something into change, not lasting change anyway. You can, at least, strive for neutrality around this current version of yourself. Think about it, are you most likely to nourish yourself with delicious, nutritious foods because you believe that you truly deserve to feel great, be able to think clearly and show up in the world with joy or are you more likely to eat well because you hate yourself?
Create your life
